It has been a year
Since Haneul returned to nature
And I too have aged a year, growing a little closer to nature
And the seasons complete a cycle, reminding me of the body warmth of back then
Then, despite that,
what is it that remains the same, fighting against the gravity of time
I bury my head in the laptop and ponder
and realize that it's me, the way I am
Perhaps this heaviness in my heart,
this doubt when I breathe, whether I am breathing correctly
Is because the worries tangled up like yarn in my head
have sunk down further to the bottom
Because I couldn't believe it was real
Because the rabbit plush I hugged to sleep every night, denying nonexistence, wasn't enough
I began to part, once again
Every day, I step closer to parting
The four goldfish, beckoned out of my loneliness
Where did you all begin before you came to me?
I told you to stop swallowing the rocks
See, you'll spit them out anyway
I feed you well too
Also that is a wall
You want to escape?
Escape and you'll die
The four goldfish that I brought because I was lonely
Will not stay with me forever
Will never be in the same place with me, even when they are
Will never acknowledge me, even when I say the same thing again and again
Don't fight, get along with each other.
I see you when I wake up in the morning
And when I come home, I wonder about your life or death
Sometimes, I'm afraid to turn on the lights in the dark living room
I felt foolish, because I brought you home despite knowing all along
So today I just blankly stared you all day long
But you will never know
Goldfish are sad
I am sad
I am sad as well